Solved, the icm fixed it, the parts store sent me 3 bad ones or if nothing else 3 wrong ones. I don't know if I should be overjoyed or pissed off I have been working on this car for an eternity.
For future reference according to the technical manual to rule out the opti you scope test the black/red wire coming from the opti, if the wave pattern is consistent with no breaks or skips you can likely rule the opti out. I couldn't find the brand name but it was an American company I bought it from according to ebay

 

Glad you found this,,, 3 bad ones,,, wow.

I found this on you tube. I skimmed through it, it pretty much agreed that a 41 is not Opti. It addresses 41 and 42 in the second half of the video. Amazing what you can find on youtube. This should be a sticky somewhere in the forums.

 

Last time I had a code 41 the ICM fixed it for a mile and then it died again. Replacing the opti harness fixed it for me, so who knows.

 

wow, you got a scope, kool.