so i pulled the shock out (passenger side front) and the strut mount was rusted so bad i could see or feel the nut so i grinded it off and eventually got the mount off, my question is what parts do i re use because i cant get the metal cap underneath the boot off now

 

Shock Mount, 4th Gens have no struts. What metal cap do you mean -- the cap that is part of the dust-boot cover? Post pictures so we can see what you mean. Which shocks are you upgrading to?

 

im going from stock to the bilsteins from stranos

 

Do what you can to get that cap & dust boot off your old shock without destroying them since they're discontinued parts. Saw off the top of the old shock or remove that bulb of junk stopping it. The cap connects to the dustboot. Once you do that, get a rubber mallet and whack off the spring mount for reuse. Might want to clean them up then hit them with some semigloss or gloss antirust spray before putting them on the new shock.

 

theres a flange keeping that metal cap in place, not the rubber gunk

 

Nope, no flange, that is the metal sleeve which broke out of your shock mount, which means you need a new mount too. Cut it off of cut between the cap and the dustboot..

 

okay i see what you were talking about, just want to get it right the first time so starting from the bottom it goes..

lower spring holder,spring seat,bump stop, metal cap,boot, spring, strut mount?

 

^ Exactly, except it's a shock mount.

Use a thin layer of anti-seaze lube on the upper shock thread, so it doesn't rust and fuse in the future... Be certain you torque that upper shock nut on properly with the springs compressed enough, else you will be redoing this job...

 

how much torque is enough? i always just tighten till it cant go anymore, then give it a 1/4 turn

 

I couldn't get my torque wrench in there due to size, but if you have one that fits, you torque it to spec.